Maybe my moral barometer is off. I certainly have a double standard about following ethical dating practices when it comes to me vs. anyone I will ever date.
On New Years Eve I met two handsome, charming, interesting men. I had absolutely no qualms about flirting with each and later agreeing to a date, on back-to-back evenings no less, with both of them. Each date ended with a superhot 1st base French kiss makeout party. I would be appalled (appalled!) to learn that either of them had done the same thing to me.
“That little rat bastard, thinks he can lady shop at a NYE party and put me in his sloppy, grab-bag dating pool…well he just better think again, that shit ain’t gonna fly.”
But somehow when I do it, it’s charming and quite smart. I’m checking out my options, right?
Where does this sense of entitlement come from? More than that, where did I get this notion that my motives are above reproach. I can trust that I mean well (oh, but do I?), but those people, well, those people are not to be trusted.
Maybe this is why my romances keep going seriously awry: I’m getting back what I’m putting in.
In my defense, I never lie to my suitors. If we start dating in more depth, I let them know what my dating status is (wildly open to possibility), and have an honest talk about where we both are coming from.
But I truly do think that somehow the rules don’t apply to me. Over the last year I’ve maintained a healthy harem of at least 2, maybe 3, men and/or women that I’m dating at the same time. I’ve never been dishonest, but I have engaged in behavior some might deem, um, inappropriate. For example, I will text about an upcoming date with Person 1 while lounging at the house of Person 2. I find this fantastically entertaining, but have to recognize that I would be PISSED if it came to my attention that my paramour was doing the same.
I pray to the Sweet Baby Jesus I don’t have to change my behavior to draw a connection that I can truly believe in. Up to this point, my theory has been: I can do what I want, how I want, with whom I want, and everyone else has to adhere to my crazy standards of communication, adoration, and devoted attention. What would it look like to let go of this notion and go into dating with a bit more (dare I say it), integrity?
As for the New Years Eve fellas. Well, Fella 1 was an insanely charming starving artist in his mid-40’s with a rocker past and a penchant for cigarettes. He was full of terrific kisses and fabulous dates for one week. One. And then I left town and the romance dwindled. I bounced back through town, eager to reconnect, but my attempt to hangout before I left for the remainder of the month was met by a week of radio silence. When he reemerged, all, “hey girl,” like nothing had happened, I knew better than to re-engage. That short, hot little romance was doomed from the start.
Lessons learned? Thank God it wasn’t beyond a 1st base party. I had already been rationalizing how desire for me would cause him to surrender a life-long nicotine habit (because that always works out), and our markedly different approaches to life goals would somehow never cause friction. So. You can see that maybe the universe intervened to save me from my libido in that case.
With Fella 2 the date was amazing, the conversation on point, and his hands were so big and strong (I love that shit). Being the wanton harlot that I am, I maneuvered us to a mural filled alley as he walked me back to my ride and used my wily charms to get kissed. We made out all teenager style, pressed up against a dragon lady mural, strokes of reds and greens casting magic on us in that shadowy lane.
Sounds ideal, right? Well. Maybe. He left the next day for a 3-month silent meditation retreat. He made plans to see me again when he’s back, but you can see how I’m not really banking on the validity of our future. Who knows? Maybe he’s spending 3 months meditating on my kisses. I fucking hope so. My narcissistic side blooms with joy thinking about that notion.
The point of this ramble? Have I learned my lesson? Will I behave more in line with the social mores of the day? Probably not. But I will refrain from texting one date while I’m with another? As I typed that I realized that was a pretty trashy move. So, here’s to you, darling reader, making me a better person already.
